Did I Hear Oil?
by TheExpL0DiNgaPplE
Summary: After being pissed off by environmentalist protesters, Donald J. Trump searches for more Oil in a different world. Although the deposits are located on a land already inhabited by strange life forms, it is not a problem for the President of the United States of America


A/N: Why? I had 2 shots of Amsterdam and was bored that's why

An unexplored island far away…

A filthy rocky wasteland would be all that one could see. Thick foggy pink skies loomed over the mangled red earth below. A rocky terrain sprouted many bright glowing violet crystals randomly along the land. At first glance, one would think that the land remained uninhabited.

That is, until said observer shifted their view towards the flat plains of the land where what can only be described as an endless horde of black creatures emerging from countless murky pools of black oi-*cough errrr…. Murky liquid. Looking at one of these pools, the liquid parted at the surface revealing a black canine-like paw with large white claws and exoskeleton fragments reach for the shore.

Soon, the paw pulled up the rest of the body that it belonged to revealing an unnatural looking werewolf-like black creature that had white bone-like spikes poking out of its body. Its head covered by similar material with glowing red veins visible on the surface. Lacking natural eyes, the creature growled while focusing its two glowing pupils on the new world it was birthed into joining the millions of its brethren around it about to begin migration into far off lands.

The people of this world called these creatures Grimm, Beowolves specifically, and they were amassing ready to seek out negativity and bring about terror to whatever human they could find. A bunch of evil wolves right? Not really, expanding out from the current plain of birthing pools, one would see other one would find other plains birthing all sorts of scary-looking spookies. Ranging from oversized boars, giant birds, scorpions, and a few others. All following the same theme wearing a black body with boney white structures and glowing red veins.

Many questions could be asked. What happened to this land? Why did these creatures want to actively search and destroy humanity? Where did they come from? Fuck that. Better question. What the fuck is that castle doing in the middle there.

Standing on a small cliff was simply a giant red castle. A human structure, so what kind of dumb idiot chose to live here? However, sitting in the castle's conference room was in fact, not a regular human resident.

Sitting in the middle crystal-like chair at the end of a long purple table, likely made from the crystals outside, sat a white-skinned (and I mean actual white) lady with her hair in a ridiculously large bun. Red veins shown all over her skin and reached into her eyes giving off a rather strange appearance.

Not many knew who she was, but she went by the name of Salem. The current leader of the creatures of Grimm. Next to her, a floating dark orb with spiky tendrils. With eyes closed, Salem strengthened her connection into the creature and connected with her pawn undercover far away in a human city, Beacon in the kingdom of Vale.

Their "Vytal Festival" was not far away and Salem certainly had plans for the foolish humans. Hovering about the city were multiple battlecruisers from the nation of Atlas along with their army of soldiers and automatrons. but it did not matter they would all fall.

Relaying instructions to her pawn, Salem was oblivious to her current environment. As a result, she did not notice the disturbance occurring outside just a quarter of a mile from her castle. A growing mass of what looked to be human soldiers forming on a hill overlooking the spawning pools. However, these soldiers did not match the type of the four kingdoms present in the world. They were not from the advanced Atlas, Vale, the savages from Vaccuo and certainely not those artsy fuckers from Mystral.

No, these soldiers wore desert camo on their uniform covered with Kevlar armor and helmets. Certainly not suited for the red hell-scape. The weapons they carried also did not match that of the designs of this world. Long black rods with a but stock, short scope, clips, and other attachments. Tactical M4's.

Following these soldiers, giant vehicles on tracks rolled up behind them. Each one with a large metal rotating top with a large turret. The M1A2 Abrahms tank.

When the troops settled, a random bulky black pick up truck bearing the logo "Ford" rolled up to the from. In the back stood two men in suits. Surrounding the truck were multiple tinted-window SUVs with men with jet black suits, shades, and radio earpieces. The one standing proud on the truck staring at the fields was a proud older man with orange skin and artificially shaped blonde hair. To his side, another man with shortlycut gray hair. Both men wore bright red ties.

The orange man called out for something. The soldier brought him what looked to be a bazooka and pointed towards the castle in the distance.

Here stood President of the United States of America, Donald Trump aiming a bazooka at an evil castle in a foreign world.

Pulling the trigger, instead of a rocket propelled grenade exiting the nozzle, a baseball of all things launching it at the window of the unsuspecting lady.

* * *

Just as Salem was about to end the connection with her pawn, One of the windows shattered inwards as an unidentified round object broke through and collided with her head knocking her off the chair and collapsing onto the ground.

Getting up with a hand to her head, Salem looked around in confusion.

"What in the hell!?"

Her eyes settled on the round sports object laying next to her. Picking it up, she noticed a drawing on said object.

It was a cartoon elephant wearing a hat with stars and stripes while giving her a cartoon-hand middle finger.

Angrily, Salem got up, walked towards the shattered glass and looked around for the culprit. She spotted the small mass of soldiers and the man in front holding a microphone.

"Hey! You! Yes you!" boomed a voice over large speakers mounted on some of the vehicles.

Salem was dumbfounded. What in the world was happening. She decided to end it quickly as a Nevermore nearby obeyed her command and swooped down towards the group.

As it got close, a booming noise was heard as a squadron of winged sharp metal vehicles swooped in from the skies above and unleashed flaming projectiles at the nevermore. As they contacted the large bird, an explosion blew a hole in the Nevermore's chest sending it dissolving into the ground.

The humans never used vehicles and weapons like that!

The man with the microphone spoke again.

"Hey Lady! That was rude! I try to be nice and you throw a bird at me? Not cool." Said the Man. "I try diplomacy like my cabinet tells me and this is what I get? You know what? Forget this? That White-suit Iron-guy was right."

What the hell was this idiot human rambling about?

"In the name of the United States of America, the greatest country in the world! I, Donald J Trump order you to surrender!"

* * *

 **A week ago in Beacon…**

In a high office floor in the tower of Beacon overlooking the city and Atlesian troops, an important discussion took place between Ozpin, headmaster of Beacon academy and General James Ironwood of the Atlesian army while sipping on tea.

"Concern is what brought me here Ozpin," said Ironwood after spiking his cup with his own personal flask.

"I understand that travel between kingdoms has been increasingly difficult," said the gray haired Ozpin.

"Oz you and I both know why I brought those men," said Ironwood.

"We are in a time of peace," said Ozpin putting down his cup with a sigh ", Shows of power like this will only give off the wrong idea."

Ironwood added ", But if what Qrow said is true, then we will handle it tactically. It's the Vytal festival. A time to celebrate unity and peace. So I suggest you not scare people by transferring hundreds of soldiers halfway across the continent."

"Scouts have undercovered new thick oil pools forming hidden in the forest and they are spawning Grimm," said Ironwood ", I'm just being cautious."

"And so am I," said Ozpin ", Which is why we will continue to train the best huntsman and huntresses we can."

"Believe me, I am…" responded Ironwood turning his back at Ozpin's desk.

Turning back Ironwood added ", But ask yourself this, do you honestly believe your children can win a war?"

As the General of the Atlesian army and old friend walked towards the elevator, Ozpin said to himself ", I hope they never have to…"

James gave one last look over his shoulder, then reached down to press the elevator button. As the elevator unit reached the floor, a ding notified Ironwood to prepare to step in. However, instead of the twin doors sliding apart, they were violently blasted out kocking Ironwood to the floor.

Ozpin ducked as the doors flew overhim and crashed out the window. The Faunus it they landed on would later be revealed to be a White Fang spy after being taken to the hospital for having all their bones broken.

Ozpin stood up and flicked his cane ready to fight while staring at the elevator.

Where the doors should be, a smoking dress shoe stuck out as if just delivering a massive powerful kick. After retracting the foot, Donald J Trump walked in with a speaker held up to his mouth and on his head, sat a red cap with the words: "Make America Great Again".

Saved from most of the force by his aura, Ironwood instinctively pulled out his handgun and aimed it at the intruder. Said intruder ignored it and walked up to him with the speaker pointing it at his face.

"OIL? DID I HEAR OIL!?"

The words resonated through the room and Ironwood flinched.

"What!?" said the General ", Who are you and why are you here!?"

Donald Trump leaned in closer ", I AM DONALD J TRUMP! PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! AND DID I HEAR OIL!?"

Ironwood again flinched again in pain from the ridiculously loud speaker. Cautiously approaching the "president", Ozpin, with cane deployed, spoke calm and clearly.

"I don't know what the United States of America is and how you got here but I think you're confused and you need to leav-" started Ozpin.

"NAH YOU LIMEY-ASS BIG-TWO I HEAR OIL!" blasted the Trump.

From out of nowhere, Vice President Mike Pence walked out holding out a Bible.

"Tell him the truth!" preached Pence ", The power of Christ COMPELLS you!"

"Grimm oil?" questioned Ozpin.

"THAT SHIT IT MINE!" blasted the Donald "NOW WHERE IN GOD'S WORLD IS 'GRIM' AND THEIR OIL!?"

"Excuse me?" said Ozpin with a confused look.

* * *

 **Present….**

Surrender!?

Humans have asked Grimm many things. Mercy, to be left alone, and other desperate pleas as they lay in their dying fate. No one has ever came to their leader and demanded surrender. Just who the hell was this Trump and his America?

"We know you have oil so hand it over so I can stick it to those America-hating Libtards that want me to go green! Obama got gas down to two dollars? HAH! I'll make it ONE dollar a gallon! Those liberals will be crying in their hippie communist vegan gardens!"

Salem still had no idea what this human demanded of her but she had just about had enough. She ordered her Grimm to gather in formation massing millions against the small group of a hundred or so forces on the hill.

Before she gave the command, a single defective Beowolf with what could only be interpereted as the Grimm version of ADHD prematurely charged at the president's truck.

Only for the President to pull out a 44. Magnum and blast a heavy lead bullet through the Grimm's face.

Still screaming through his microphone ", AHA! Take THAT liberals! I commited self-defense. I AM the good guy with a gun!"

The second man in the back of the truck took the microphone from Trump and the voice of Mike Pence shouted ", In the name of God….GET EM BOYS!".

And so the United States Army advanced upon the Grimm .

* * *

 **A week ago in Ozpin's office again**

Thankfully the President had retired the speaker as Ozpin was able to figure out the situation.

What Ozpin figured was that Donald Trump was the president of a nation not on Remnant but on a planet called Earth. How was he here? Ozpin managed to gather that Trump's American "NASA" was a space exploring program.

Very impressive technology to get fuel to work in space but Ozpin would have to focus on the matter at hand. It was not easy talking information out of Mr. Trump as he kept complaining on some menace called "liberals", "Anti-Americans", "Gun rights", "Oil", and other nonsense.

Apparently, as the President put it, he was on a visit to NASA to "make sure they weren't wasting precious American dollars" and after dealing with "goony Climate Change Protesters" and "Other dumb liberal crap" about "stealing oil from the east", the president had demanded NASA "use the best idea of finding oil on other planets".

"And so those eggheads at NASA told me 'oh but Mr. President there isn't oil on other planets, there has to be life for a long time to decompose and be buried' or whatever I don't remember," said Trump with his motioning hands to Ozpin.

The headmaster tried his best to understand the words out of the man. Out of the corner of his eye, Mike Pence had somehow snatched Jame's gun with one hand describing it as "God's golden tool to man" and other religious ramblings while a still dazed Ironwood groggily tried to talk the man down and get his gun back all the while tinnitus was forming in his ears from the speaker.

He turned his attention back to the President who had gone back to bragging about his country's greatness. Ozpin sighed.

However, next to the President, an orange-edged portal opened in the air and a gray haired man in a brown suit and a gray-haired young man with a lab coat bearing the name "NASA" stepped through.

The man in the suit pulled the President off to the side. Again Ozpin picked up conversation. This time about the man, Mr. Johnson, taking a pee break and the President and Vice going through the portal without him.

"Hello?" called the scientist

"Yes?" answered Ozpin sipping his tea.

The scientist looked a little shaken and surprised ", you're um… human."

"Indeed I am," replied the headmaster "Was that not expected?"

"Sorry um, no it wasn't," replied the scientist ", My name is Dr. Hyde of NASA's extra-terrestrial life department and when the President demanded us find a planet that most likely had life on it, we were only partially expecting bacterial life, nothing like a full blown evolved society. Human nonetheless."

"Yes your President has been rather… straight forward about your intentions…" replied Ozpin.

Dr Hyde turned and saw the elevator's doors missing and a large opening in the glass behind Ozpin.

"Oh…" said Dr. Hyde ", Well then no point in hiding anything. Better to clear up confusion."

"Mr. Ozpin, after being contracted to develop a reliable way of long term space travel in a month…" Dr. Hyde subconsciously grabbed hair off his head and pulled it off.

"We contracted a science company Aperture Industries to bring portal technology to space travel reality and on our presidents orders, we are here to negotiate –"

"SCIENCE!" interrupted the brown suit man now dubbed as Mr. Johnson.

"OIL!" said the President "Sweet Black Gold"

Ozpin was sure they meant Grimm spawning oil but still not sure why. As Ozpin would call the oil anything but gold. It was a bunch of compressed dead organic material. Despite the reason, Ozpin pondered. If these people truly did have the means to locate faraway livable planets and travel in between them, perhaps they could help him with locate a certain hidden land and uncover a certain evil plot.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD!?"

Ozpin looked past the trio of Earth humans to see Glynda exit out of the other elevator door.

Mike Pence walked up to her holding out a bible "The power of Christ compels you!-ow!"

Glynda gave one hell of a bitch slap to the Vice president with her whip having none of his shit.

Seeing the other people in the room Glynda looked at Ozpin ", Ozpin I see elevator doors thrown out your window to find this!?"

It was going to be a long day

* * *

 **Present…**

US troops took the high ground blasting 5.56 NATO rounds down at the creatures of Grimm. Having tough exoskeleton armor was useful protecting against Remnant's Dust weapons. However, the sheer amount of hot lead supersonic rounds and All-American kick-ass made their way through.

The high-pitched whine of the jet-powered M1A2 Abrams tanks overshadowed the roar of Grimm as it plowed through lines of Grimm. Firing their cannons into the crowd of Grimm while soldiers sat on top of the tank with cigars shooting off the secondary 50. Cal Machineguns or just their standard rifles that they brought along.

Behind the tanks, soldiers slowly advance providing supporting fire. One of the soldiers got patient however. Corporal L. Jenkins said "fck it", grabbed a beer from out of nowhere, and downed it as his fellow soldiers noticed and cheered him on.

Jenkins gave a "hell yeah" and jumped off the high ground landing on two-legged reptilian Grimm riding it like a horse smashing his beer bottle into the Grimm's head with one hand and single-hand blazing off his rifle in the other.

Seeing the fun take place, handfuls of over-excited privates followed Jenkins jumping over ledges onto Grimm either blasting them in the back of the head or turning the Grimm into their personal steed. Their older soldiers shedding tears of joy and proudness.

A new American Calvary unit had been formed.

Back in the castle. Salem noticed something off. The amount of American troops seemed to be growing. Being the idiot she was, she forgot to scout the lands behind them. Seeing through the eyes of a Nevermore, the giant bird ascended to see past the hills.

Evidently, there were more of them. Hundreds of vehicles, tanks, strange aircraft, and others. Far away in the ocean, Salem felt one of her Feilongs die to an underwater torpedo explosion. The now dead beast relaying its last moments and memories to its mistress.

What looked to be enormous battleships in the sea sending troops off to land. Worst of all, large portals opened up occasionally letting through more of these Americans.

But these humans couldn't be a threat could they? The four kingdoms together posed none. As she thought of that, F22 raptors roared through the skies unleashing multiple Air-to-Ground missiles.

For a moment, fields of Grimm lit up with fire. Huge plumes of Smoke mixed with Grimm essense rose into the air.

With clear fields, Donald Trump on top of his truck rode forward ripping his dress shirt off with such skill leaving his red tie dangling from his neck. His deceptive look removed, the Trump bore one badass upper body with rock hard abs, pecs, and other muscular parts.

Busting out a shotgun, the President of the United States fired upon any remaining Grimm creature he passed by.

As the field between the Americans and the castle were cleared, the Soldiers advanced past the castle deeper into the lands looking for more things to fight. The sound of gunfire and explosions continued.

Salem was beyond pissed. Her eye twitched and a her head pulsed. She did not know whether she felt utter anger at the ridiculousness or fear at the sheer unstoppable force.

Before she knew it, the door to her room was kicked down and there stood Donald Trump. Behind him, Mike Pence, secret service, and other US troops.

Without any other reaction ", Mr. Trump, it seems you and your… followers are a force to be reckoned with. However you do not know who you are-"

"Hey Terrorist Lady," called Trump.

The President produced an All-American Desert Eagle from his coat pocket, cocked the gun, pointed it at the evil lady's face, and pulled the trigger.

The .50 bullet slammed itself into Salem's face knocking her back down to the ground.

After what seemed to be an eternity of silence, the Secret service parted way and four individuals followed up to the President.

These four, Ozpin, James Ironwood, Glynda, and Qrow stared in silence at the downed witch of the Grimm.

"Holee shit I can't believe that worked," muttered Qrow. He checked its flask but it was empty.

"Yo buddy," said a random soldier handing him some Bud Light "Want some of this?"

"Thanks," Qrow said taking the American beer. It tasted like piss.

While Glynda was at a loss for words, Ironwood spoke up", Is she…. Dead?"

Trump turned to him ", Nope just wanted to enjoy the moment of American greatness. She also has magic shields right?"

"Aura Mr. Trump, its called Aura," said Glynda with a shocked/ annoyed tone.

"Should't you…"

Without allowing the question to finish, Donald Trump, walked over to Salem's unconscious body seeing Salem's unconscious form lying face up.

A quick additional few shots to her head fixed the Aura problem.

Another shot put one right in her head fixing her "I'm alive" problem.

However, just to make sure, Trump put another shot in.

And another.

And another….

And another….

And another…

He didn't stop until his gun clicked empty.

Trump raised the nozzle of his Desert Eagle and blew out the smoke.

"The deed is done," said Ozpin not believing what he saw.

Trump turned is eyes to Ozpin but still put one more in Salem'ss head just for the road. The evil lady's face was now full of holes and leaking Grimm essence all over the floor now.

One of the secret service walked up to Trump.

"Mr. President sir, Message from the General. our troops are reporting Grimm forces ceasing all movement or existence."

"Good," said the president ", Push them south and construct a wall. We'll keep them out."

Ozpin thought about mentioning the uselessness of a wall but figured it would be best to keep quiet.

Donald Trump put on a new dress shirt and suit hiding his body in a deceptive old-man dad-bod.

Walking up to Ozpin, the President held out a hand for a handshake.

"Well Mr. Oz," said Trump ", I believe I upheld my part of the deal. Now hand over this land to the United States of America."

Ozpin wondered if Trump realized no one owned these lands but decided to save himself the headache.

"Very well Mr. President. Feel free to make use of this land and whatever… resources you find," said Ozpin shaking his hand.

"Good doing business with you," said the President straightening his tie ", Now I have some liberal bullshit to deal with back at the Whitehouse and a well-done steak so excuse me."

A few troops remained while most followed their President out of the castle.

Leaving Ozpin, Ironwood, Glynda, and Qrow in the same room as Salem's now decaying body.

Ironwood peered out the windows. The Americans had wasted no time setting up their "Drills" around the land and even pumps straight into the Grimm spawning pools. Was that what this powerful army really ran on? The raw material of Grimm? Burning in their combustion engines?

So much had happened these few days. One thing was sure. For better or worse, the four knew that Remnant would never be the same.


End file.
